Tag Archives: manners


GUEST POST – The M Factor with Martin [Manners]

You know when you write a poem for someone on Twitter that you’ve found a friend, and this is essentially how Martin and I become friends. I creepily wrote him a poem and he agreed to be my friend. But not just that, he also agreed to be a contributor on the Z Factor writing about all the things that annoy him. So take it away, Martin… Zx

So about me, I’m 31, residing in Manchester and tweet quite often @office_monkey. I followed Zoë through a mutual friend – well, friends – and she’s given me the chance to write about just what gets on my nerves, so without further ado. Here we go!



I encounter these idiots on the train/metrolink every day without fail. I really don’t understand how it can be such a hard task to let people off before you get on the train. It’s common sense and believe it or not, letting people off before you get on will speed things up.

Also, the doors will not open until the train stops. This also seems to be a concept that some cannot cope with, as every single day I see idiots pressing the doors open button and the train/tram hasn’t even stopped. I actually live for the day that it opens and they tumble out – possibly harsh but fair, no?

Another huge annoyance is when commuters will take up a full seat that sits two, or even worse a three. There’s plenty of room for someone else on that seat you selfish swine. Although, I’m not sure what’s worse: the fact that they hog the seat or when they decide to sit next to me they take up pretty much all of my personal space.

Eating on the telephone


I work in customer service and my biggest annoyance is when I’m talking to someone on the telephone and they are eating at the same time. They make that hideous lip-smacking noise while I’m trying to help them. I fully understand that some people may need to call up when they’re on their dinner (it’s not lunch! [Ed: Err, Martin – you’re wrong here, but continue…]) but please, a bit of decorum and think about the poor sod on the other end of the phone who has to listen to you while you gobble your food like Homer Simpson.

Basic Manners


If I hold the door open for you then a thank you isn’t too much to ask is it? Manners cost nothing and my biggest bugbear is when someone doesn’t use the words please or thank you. It’s really not tough to say a please or a thank you when someone has done something for you. I have an annoying habit of if someone asks me something without saying please then I’ll say “sorry” until they get the hint and finally say please!

There’s more to come from me, but for now I must say adieu. If you wish to follow me and see my ‘live’ moanings then do follow me @office_monkey.

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